I read a magazine article that says the shape of a person’s eyebrows says a lot about the personality. I mean, how wrong can it be since folks at Yale conducted the research?
Thin: Says you are a fashionable, forward thinker. I guess that’s because you have to lean forward to see well enough to do all that plucking, because you certainly weren’t born that way!
Full and natural: Says you are passionate and independent. But you keep some of that fiery autonomy secret and expose only for a select few. Couldn’t it also mean you are too lazy to pluck like the fashionable, forward thinker?
Arched: Says you are feminine and also powerful. Supposedly, curves over your eyes are as sexy as curves on your hips. Curves obviously have nothing to do with simple genetics, nor the Ding-dongs you ate for lunch. Oh, wait! We weren’t really talking about those curves. And besides, those eyebrows may not be really arched; it may mean that you walk around amazed a lot!
Straight: Says you are smart! Now that is stupid. I mean really. All you straight-eyebrowed students come to the front and do the algebra problems because we know you other eyebrow types are not rational, grounded, or knowledge seeking and are only in this class because home-ec and beauty school were closed.
Rounded: Ah . . . you are charming and caring. Your rounded brows say you are friendly, approachable, and that the knife you are holding behind your back doesn’t mean you are dangerous; it means you are ready to carve meat for a pleasant dinner party.
When I was about fifteen, I was a fashionable, forward thinker thanks to peer pressure and a friend with a vigorous plucking hand. For most of the rest of my life I was full and natural; so obviously, I was passionate and independent . . . except when I was lazy and needy.
At my current age, I defy all of Yale’s categories because my brows are white, errant, and shapeless; and I don’t pluck anymore, I mow. So I’ll make up my own category: Is wise beyond belief, is able to find humor in mundane and overly-funded studies, and cares less about what folks think about her eyebrows or her curves and more about sneaking hot fudge sundaes between vigorous workouts.