My Honda Needs a Honkin’ Honker

My Honda needs a fog horn

or a train whistle—

maybe even a bicycle bell would be bigger than this disgraceful pathetic ting of a Honda horn.

The stupid car is coming in my lane,

indifferent to my presence,

unresponsive to my racing pulse, my clenching fists.           –>   –>           I brake.

He does nothing but continue on his death trajectory—

my death trajectory!

By one skinny, rasping breath in my heaving chest he misses me.

          I honk!                                                   TWICE!

Well, kind of.

It’s more like sticking your tongue out than a fearsome you-almost-killed-me honk.

It’s more like a have-a-nice-day kind of honk than a disdaining what-are-you-thinking kind of honk.

My Honda needs a manly honk that expresses appropriate scorn in appropriate situations

and adequately challenges the concept that the driver may have any brain cells.

So I’m writing the dealership.

I need an upgrade,

a volume boost,

a rough, fully orbed textured sound standing by to put miscreants in their place,

which hopefully will be on their own side of the road!



About apronheadlilly

wife and mother, musician, composer / poet, teacher, and observer of the world, flawed Christ-follower
This entry was posted in Humor, Photography, Poetry, Thoughts. Bookmark the permalink.

19 Responses to My Honda Needs a Honkin’ Honker

  1. Glad you escaped injury free! Your post reminds me of many days of driving in Kazakhstan. Horns are used more liberally there than here. Sometimes they are gentle reminders to move over, or hello, here I come cutting in front of you. Sometimes you have to lay on your horn to keep from hitting some person that is coming straight at you, just as you experienced or a pedestrian crossing in front of you without looking. Road rage can escalate quite quickly with extensive laying on of horns, as well. Also there are many kinds of horns there, some sound like ambulances or police cars here or even ice cream truck kind of horns. You might want to order a deluxe extra loud honker from there!

  2. May the ‘honk’ be with you – soon.

  3. Dor says:

    A bull horn mounted on top might help, but I would suggest sending a copy of your blog post to Honda! It would be very effective in getting their attention. Great post!.

  4. gingerbreadcafe says:

    Lots of us sympathise with you on this one!

  5. CJ says:

    My husband has an air-horn on his old Caddy. Every time I hear it I jump, it’s great.

  6. randallslack says:

    You can get an electric air horn from Pep Boys. It will hook up easily and will be really loud!

  7. hello, ms. lily,

    so, did the dealership get your letter, huh? and what did the people there say? ^^ 🙂

  8. Lindy Lee says:

    Small cars on today’s highways make for a really scarey predicament…

  9. Lindy Lee says:

    Make that scarey “scary”; haste makes waste…

  10. On that same road this morning, there was a car in the ditch, obviously run off the road. People take too many chances in passing!

  11. SL Schildan says:

    Grandson installed the old horn from his other grandparents old Caddy on his Bronco. I tell ya, Cadillac knew how to make horns in those days. It’s loud, very loud, and kind of a cross between a ship horn and diesel truck horn.

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