The Weak in Review: Whine and Roses

Okay, there are no roses, but there is a whine.  Once again the local paper has reproduced a picture of me, a picture designed to shame even the most innocent! (Not included in this post!)

In 2010, I entered a limerick contest.  Think mistake; think March mistake; think St. Pat’s Day.  It was a momentary lapse.  I got a call that I was one of the three top winners, but I had to go to the corned beef meal at the Women’s Club to receive my monetary prize and to find out which prize I indeed should recieve.

I got there only to find out that I had to pay for my meal!  $12.00!  Okay, if I won, that would be 50 bucks, so embarassment and lust for filthy lucre kept me hanging in there.  I knew no one there except for an older couple that used to go to the church I attended.  I latched on to them.  The conversation was somewhat strained, but the food was good, and I just wanted to get it over with.

Finally the program started with an MC and corny Irish jokes and all that jazz.  The three winners had to read their poems.  I was third.  Think $15.00.  15-12 = profit of 3.  Argh.

Mine was political, and the winner’s was the stereotypical “There once was a man from Kilharney” stuff.  The winner also happened to be the aged dad of the MC.  Odd how that happened.

And now the worst part:  The paper was there, and they wanted a picture.  I was trapped.  And being the nonconfrontational marshmallow that I am, I stood in for it.  I was the tallest on the stage, even aside from the stupid green and shiny St. Pat’s hat they perched on top of my head.  Borrowed from another stranger who probably had lice or eczema!Think: Face getting redder than normal!

To top it all off, they never sent me my prize money, and the dork-supreme picture appeared in the paper.  The only consolation was they spelled my name wrong–both names.  But my wonderful co-workers of course recognized me and ceremoniously posted it around the school office.  Lovely.

The fame died down.

Till last year when they ran the stupid pic again, advertising a new contest.  And now again this year!  And luckily for me, even though my hair is now white, folks around the valley are still quick to assure me that they recognized me in the paper!

This is what they call the gift that keeps on giving, except for the monetary part of course!  Below is my inspired limerick that got me into so much trouble.  😛

We’ll settle for imperfect healthcare

And put everybody on welfare.

Won’t matter an iota,

‘Cause just like Toyota,

In three years, we’ll recall and repair!

About apronheadlilly

wife and mother, musician, composer / poet, teacher, and observer of the world, flawed Christ-follower
This entry was posted in Humor, Poetry, Thoughts, Writing and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

27 Responses to The Weak in Review: Whine and Roses

  1. Oh that is terribly funny. After all that, you never got the money??
    There is a local paper we get every week in the mail and as sure as the sun shines, there are always grinning people on the front with one person handing the other a check. I don’t get it.

  2. Dave says:

    Filthy lucre trumps corny Irish jokes everytime. 🙂 Thank you for visiting me, Lilly of the Apronhead. I love your name!

  3. Dave says:

    I just noticed your profile. Fortunately for is there is one for home faith trumps flaws.

  4. If you read my About you will find out that I work for a newspaper, Lilly, so please don’t hold that against me. LOL This is a very fun read. Hopefully everyone by now is not laughing at you, but laughing with you. 🙂 Thanks for the “like” on my Wednesday Woody post today.

  5. Not a bad limerick! Funny that you didn’t get your prize money, and they keep letting you represent their contest! I’m sure you’ve gotten over it, or you will. What doesn’t kill you will make you stronger! I know know who said that. Next time around you should get first prize. That would show them!

  6. Lindy Lee says:

    Like the description of an unlikable situation…

  7. Dor says:

    Everything about this post is hilarious – including the limerick! You are my Irma Bombeck of the blogging world! 🙂 But how come you didn’t scan the newspaper picture into the blog?

    • Besides the fact that it is in the bottom of the recycling bin (if I had a bird cage, it would be lining the bottom), and it is dorky. I am smiling–kind of–but obviously uncomfortable. I have a huge head (all that grey matter) so hats typically don’t fit me. So I have this stupid little Irish bowler perched on top like a cartoon character, and I still want my 15 bucks! 🙂

  8. You should send them a bill ! Too funny!

  9. Madhu says:

    You are famous! Send them a bill for using your photo 🙂

  10. SL Schildan says:

    That is a #1 poem. Very LOL funny. Just remember JC Penney, “I don’t care what they say about me just make sure they spell my name right!” In this case you get the free publicity but no name.
    So did you enter again? Hoping for a better photo, name spelled correctly AND the top prize?

  11. Subhan Zein says:

    Surprisingly funny! Thank you for sharing, my friend! 🙂

    Subhan Zein

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