How to Survive Breaking a Rib

(Picture of neighbor's cute dog, which has absolutely nothing to do with this post. And I don't care; it's my blog!!)

Obviously, preventing the incident in the first place is optimum.  But having done the stupid bike trick of falling into the gutter and fracturing a rib, the following are survival tips to make it through the six-week recovery process:

  • Drugs.  Legal, of course.
  • Only breathe as much as is necessary for survival.  When deep breathing is prescribed by the doctor for torture and to prevent pneumonia, grimace so everyone knows you are not faking injury.  If required, produce copies of your x-rays for more sympathy.
  • Learn to burp like a man.  Good manners will hurt.
  • Never lie down. Or if you are lying down, never get up.  If you really need to change positions, moan and groan and puff so everybody in the house knows exactly what this trip to the bathroom is costing you.
  • No coughing, sneezing or throat clearing.  Drowning in your allergies is much preferred to the throbbing, excruciating, mind-numbing . . . well, you get the idea.
  • Stand up straight and suck in your stomach or you will stay hunched that way forever.  Or was that what Mom said about rolling my eyes?  Sorry, I have a drug-induced “can’t remember.”
  • Put off all chiropractor appointments for six months.
  • Put off all mammogram appointments for six months—a year if you can talk your primary care provider into it!
  • If husband insists on cracking jokes, give him his own cracked rib.
  • Once you can move your arms, write about it.  It is somewhat cathartic . . . somewhat.

Clarification:  Hubby does tell jokes that hurt, but he redeems himself by bringing me meds, ice packs, warm woobies, praying for me, staying in Urgent Care 4 1/2 hours with me, and being very sypathetic!  He’s a keeper!

About apronheadlilly

wife and mother, musician, composer / poet, teacher, and observer of the world, flawed Christ-follower
This entry was posted in Humor, Photography, Thoughts, Writing and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

27 Responses to How to Survive Breaking a Rib

  1. selah says:

    sounds painful.. I hope you are feeling better soon.

  2. Susan Gaddis says:

    Oh, this brings back many memories of surviving breaking a foot. Once you feel you can sit without pain, you’ll find the internet a good place to hang out for hours at a time. (I even took a few online classes to pass the weeks of recovery.)
    Praying for you my friend.
    And oh, I forgot. You need a big red bell by your side to ring whenever you need hubby to peel you a grape.

  3. Allergy season and fractured rib – oh my! Wishing you fast recover…for both! (and the dog pix is cool…he’s looking through a crack – doesn’t that count as making it relevant?)

  4. tootlepedal says:

    Broken ribs are no laughing matter! I had a couple when I fell off. I perfected your point 4. Good healing.

  5. danitacahill says:

    Ouch! Take it easy, keep breathing and heal, Lilly.

    • Working on it, but I am impatient. Had to give up the heavy pain killers. They were giving me headaches, so I’m back to heating pads and Motrin . . . and all the sympathy I can get!!

  6. janeeamon says:

    I hear you – cracked two ribs falling off a deck only a foot high….putting on clothes was torture…it was my back ribs….

  7. Judy says:

    Your sense of humor (even in pain) is just the best! I do hope you feel a bit better every day.
    This is certainly a long recuperation. ugh. I never thought about dressing/un… until Janeeamon mentioned that. Ouch. Take care!
    PS…love the adorable pooch!

  8. grand-player says:

    I don’t know, I think that your neighbors dog looks pretty empathetic and also knows to stay the heck out of your way. So very sorry Lilly and glad you are finding a bit of relief in your dauntless humor

    • My neighbor’s dog only thinks of the love and attention he gets from us through the fence. My own dog, however, has been very vigilant to stay by my side. Me, I’m counting the days till this heals up! In the meantime, sympathy helps!

  9. Dor says:

    Well now we can share bike stories. I forgot the brakes are not in the pedals nowadays when I fell on the VA Creeper 17 Mile Bike Ride (all downhill). I am so sorry about your ribs, but your blog was hilarious anyway and I think your neighbor-dog picture is absolutely wonderful!! Easy on the breathing now….

    • Wow, sounds like you must have gotten pretty beat up, too! Was this recent?

      • Dor says:

        Couple of years ago.. I did a blog about it – Down Down The Virginia Creeper. I had a lovely big black bruise down my arm I could brag about. That was the best part of the ride – the bragging. 🙂 Feel better Lilly. Don’t move quickly.

        • What’s weird is there are no bruises. I feel disenfranchised. I can hardly walk and no color to show for it. I don’t get it. Glad you didn’t break anything.

  10. Madhu says:

    Love your sense of humour! Heal up fast!

  11. Mona says:

    I love the way you handle a painful situation with humor. I think I would like to know you in person.

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