How to Cheat on Your . . .

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Hey, do these feathers make me look fat?

Okay, I was going to say “on your husband,” but that would give you a totally false impression and use a misleading title purely for the sake of humor, which I would never be wont to do.  But that said, this is how to cheat on your husband, leading him to believe that you actually care about weight loss.

 

  1. Every morning, move the bathroom scale a bit out of its place so it looks like you actually stepped on it and might even care what it says.
  2. When you just have to get those Trader Joe’s Joe Joes, buy 2 boxes.  Every time you eat 3 cookies, you can take 2 out of the hidden box to replace in the carton on the counter.  That way it will always look like you just had 1 at a time.
  3. When you go and share that breakfast burrito, be sure he notices you gave him 2/3 to your 1/3.  Probably not good to mention the nut bar from your purse that you already ate.
  4. If you brag about making your 10,000 pedometer steps, neglect to mention that you have changed the goal from 10,000 a day to 10,000 in a month.
  5. If you really want that ice cream, offer him some.
  6. If you really want that pie, offer him some.
  7. If you are tired of biking the dog for exercise—his and yours—fall and break a rib.  It works great to get you out of the chore; though it is a bit painful.
  8. Convince him that it’s not just that dark chocolate is good for you; you need to have lots of it, and the more expensive, the better.  Think Godiva!
  9. Put the treadmill down so that when he goes to pump iron, he will need to raise it out of the way.
  10. If all else fails cry and moan about hormones, genes, and your lot in life.  Men hate tears and will give you a pass.

About apronheadlilly

wife and mother, musician, composer / poet, teacher, and observer of the world, flawed Christ-follower
This entry was posted in Family, Humor, Photography and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

26 Responses to How to Cheat on Your . . .

  1. susiebell123 says:

    Hysterical! I love the secret box of cookies. That is masterful.

  2. SR says:

    Love it!!!! LOL!!!! God Bless, SR

  3. tootlepedal says:

    It’s harder to cheat yourself though as I know to my cost.

  4. Joe Dallas says:

    Numbers 5, 6 and 10 are all you really need. We’re easy to manipulate, and even easier to bribe.

    • I thought that might be true. I learned early on. If I wanted to sneak some of Mum’s awesome pie, I would talk Dad into a piece. He was an easy sell. And how could she ever get mad at him. 🙂

  5. dorannrule says:

    I use #10 frequently! Seems to work as he is very sympathetic. 🙂 Funny post Lilly. LOL! 🙂

  6. jmgoyder says:

    This is hilarious!

  7. reinkat says:

    Love it! They all sound so great, useful, and effective (except I might not be up for that broken rib one.) I was bit nonplussed that you revealed the secret of the double cookie boxes, though . . . I hope my hubbie doesn’t read that one.

  8. ly says:

    Oh, you’re sooooo good!! I’ve printed this out and hidden it inside the cupboard door for reference. (and I’m not even married…)

  9. Priceless! Great and clever post.

  10. pattisj says:

    Obviously, you have put some thought into this! 😉

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