Now I Lay Me Down

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Now I lay me down to sleep—

if only

to sleep, to drift off peacefully,

to quiet the pinging thoughts, the lists of things undone, problems to solve,

to ignore the rhythmic breaths of the man so near,

so oblivious to my vigil.

I pray the Lord my soul to keep—

from dangers within and without,

and the dark creeping thoughts of all the what-ifs,

the evil in the world,

the evil in my heart,

conspirators who would steal my struggling joy.

If I should die before I wake—

What a horror to put in a child’s prayer.

What a fearsome phrase to create the possibility of setting off,

falling from this spinning planet,

setting off unprepared to an unknown . . .

fearful enough to make a child not forget to say her prayers on bare knees

on bare floors.

The discomfort had to count for something.

And yet

at this age, death is more possible,

more plausible,

and yet

I fear it less because

I pray the Lord my soul to take

to safety,

to communion

and the life dance with those who already see what is more real—

more real than this shadow,

to be swept up,

swooped up

into loving arms

and know the depths of love

where my deep anguish calls to His deep provision

and I am home.

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About apronheadlilly

wife and mother, musician, composer / poet, teacher, and observer of the world, flawed Christ-follower
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19 Responses to Now I Lay Me Down

  1. tootlepedal says:

    I cannot share your prayers but I can share your feelings and I hope that (non lethal) peace of mind and body will visit you soon.

  2. ly says:

    Excellent! Sweet dreams…

  3. jmgoyder says:

    Beautiful but painful.

  4. reinkat says:

    Beautiful, and I love the imagery of the bird soaring through the gathering dark.

  5. Maggie Brown says:

    Lilly, I’m sorry about the shingles….but the thoughts in your poem are so revelent, may I print off a copy for myself to ponder in the future? I loved it!

  6. Maggie Brown says:

    Thanks for permission to copy off your beautiful writing. It sounds like misery for your husband….how awlful. I hope he gets some relief fast. I’ve heard shingles are nasty.

  7. Reblogged this on A p r o n h e a d — Lilly and commented:

    **********I reblog things like this after Sunday migraines!

  8. soonie2 says:

    oh no, I wish for a speedy recovery for you both…sending prayers and positive thoughts your way.

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