Now I lay me down to sleep—
if only
to sleep, to drift off peacefully,
to quiet the pinging thoughts, the lists of things undone, problems to solve,
to ignore the rhythmic breaths of the man so near,
so oblivious to my vigil.
I pray the Lord my soul to keep—
from dangers within and without,
and the dark creeping thoughts of all the what-ifs,
the evil in the world,
the evil in my heart,
conspirators who would steal my struggling joy.
If I should die before I wake—
What a horror to put in a child’s prayer.
What a fearsome phrase to create the possibility of setting off,
falling from this spinning planet,
setting off unprepared to an unknown . . .
fearful enough to make a child not forget to say her prayers on bare knees
on bare floors.
The discomfort had to count for something.
And yet
at this age, death is more possible,
more plausible,
and yet
I fear it less because
I pray the Lord my soul to take
to safety,
to communion
and the life dance with those who already see what is more real—
more real than this shadow,
to be swept up,
swooped up
into loving arms
and know the depths of love
where my deep anguish calls to His deep provision
and I am home.
I cannot share your prayers but I can share your feelings and I hope that (non lethal) peace of mind and body will visit you soon.
Wishes accepted. 🙂
Excellent! Sweet dreams…
I hope! 🙂
Beautiful but painful.
Life is such a mixed bag. After the stress of late and my shingles outbreak, I came home from a walk in the park to find that now my husband appears to have shingles. Oy! Lord, help.
Oh no!
The fun never ends.
Beautiful, and I love the imagery of the bird soaring through the gathering dark.
Even ravens are beautiful soaring against these kind of skies.
I thought of it as an eagle . . .
That works for me. 🙂
Lilly, I’m sorry about the shingles….but the thoughts in your poem are so revelent, may I print off a copy for myself to ponder in the future? I loved it!
Yes, of course. Hubby was up all night throwing up with the shingles. My experience was different. Then I woke this a.m. with a migraine. The fun just never ends. Lord, help.
Thanks for permission to copy off your beautiful writing. It sounds like misery for your husband….how awlful. I hope he gets some relief fast. I’ve heard shingles are nasty.
He had so much nausea with it, bit is finally eating some today.
Reblogged this on A p r o n h e a d — Lilly and commented:
**********I reblog things like this after Sunday migraines!
oh no, I wish for a speedy recovery for you both…sending prayers and positive thoughts your way.
It’s only one migraine. 🙂 But one a day is enough. Thanks for your thoughts.