I Dream of Meanie

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I woke this morning on the edge of a dream.  I had been giving a workshop, and one of the attendees stormed out saying I was full of crap and didn’t know what I was talking about.  Though now I was awake, I tried to recreate the dream to somehow make it end well and give me a reason to dismiss the tears.  It seems foolish to cry over things that aren’t real when there is plenty of real pain to cry over.

I dream.  I dream every night, all night.

If my dreams came true, people from all my different pasts (and some random strangers and monsters thrown in) would merge, knowing each other.

Kind of like Facebook.

Worlds and times would collide in confusion, and a Canadian farmhouse would land on a California street Wizard of Oz fashion, and rain would pour in the desert . . . well, that is far-fetched!

People you have no interest or current investment in would randomly appear and be mean or loving in turn, and tears would flow and laughter would ring for things that don’t really matter.

But in the ripples of dream-light, somehow they do.

And you have to wonder why all those stored memories in miniature brain compartments leap their boundaries to mingle, producing the oddest story lines that not even a Tarantino could imagine.

Is it therapeutic?  I don’t feel better.

Is it manic?  Would I know if it was or wasn’t?

Is it meaningless?  Most often I would say yes, but then why do I wake up crying?

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About apronheadlilly

wife and mother, musician, composer / poet, teacher, and observer of the world, flawed Christ-follower
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18 Responses to I Dream of Meanie

  1. Perhaps you are mourning for things you prefer not think about while waking. I think the subconscious has incredible healing instincts. It is much the safest way for us to confront our fears, on our own terms, in a landscape of our own making that has no real daytime emotions. I think you should trust and accept if you can. Fighting our fears, even nighttime fears is a diversion of our energy from where we really need it. Hugs, my friend, living isn’t for cowards.

  2. tootlepedal says:

    I feel for you. My dreams are involved with solving endless organisational problems which I do only to meet another one. They are very detached from my real life these days so they must be echoes of my worries when working but they don’t seem threatening at all. Perhaps yours will ease with time, I hope so.

    • If anything, they supply my hubby with “concerned” amusement. I actually come by my dreaming genetically. My mum woke my dad up once while he was sobbing. He had dreamed that he used me to prop up one of the barns that was falling down. 🙂 It fell on me and killed me, but he was sad about that, so that was good. Interesting these heads of ours.

  3. Sreeja says:

    it happens to me all the time… the dreams are often ridiculous and no way could happen in real life… but i get attached to them while i sleep and once i wake up i try to hold on to them… sometimes i go back to sleep, trying to recreate the dream, trying to know what the ending would be… and often feel sad because once you wake up you have lost the dream.. it does not come back ….

  4. Joe Dallas says:

    I usually dream either my deepest fears or my deepest insecurities. At least, those are the dreams I remember. Back in “the day” I often dreamed I’d go to the piano in full tux to play a solo, and just as my hands would come down the piano would walk away. I’d have to pick up the stool and chase it, then try again, only to have it move away again. And finally everyone would start coughing and fidgeting and I’d just give up and slink away. I guess our subconscious comes out to play when we dream, and we’re left wondering what the heck it’s all about.

  5. dorannrule says:

    A psychology teacher once told my class that “dreams are wish fulfillments.” Yikes!

  6. Dreams are pretty crazy sometimes, but it’s amazing how the mind can weave together a story just like you’re watching a movie, with people passing in and out at random. In one scene you’re married to your spouse and in the next you’re married to some fellow you saw crossing a mall parking lot and you two are about to drive off somewhere. Then you arrive at the airport and can’t find your passport. Etc.
    When I was younger I would have terrible nightmares about people beating me and such. Or my dad exploding in anger at me for something. I was married ten years before I stopped having those dreams about my dad. Thinking back now, he wasn’t that awful or that mean (except verbally) but to my childish mind I guess he was pretty fearsome.

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