My Book of Uncommon Prayers: And Here I Am

There have been many times in my life when I gripped tight

in desperation

to calling, gifts, and kin,

thinking that my grip could hold.  And yet

most often,

there was nothing I could have done to prevent the slipping away—

no desperate enough prayer, no holy enough life, no adequate bargain, no amount of  rule-keeping and promise-making.

The dark and loss crept over my youthful optimism and my faulty belief that somehow I was protected—impervious—because

I held the right creeds and made my bed in the right holy camp,

but here I am,

helpless once again, eyes open once again to my need, and

I am gripping tight

to You.