About Grief

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From my daily readings by C. S. Lewis………………………………….

Lewis, grieving the death of his wife, Joy:

No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear. I am not afraid, but the sensation is like being afraid. The same fluttering in the stomach, the same restlessness, the yawning. I keep on swallowing.

At other times it feels like being mildly drunk, or concussed. There is a sort of invisible blanket between the world and me. I find it hard to take in what anyone says. Or perhaps, hard to want to take it in. It is so uninteresting. Yet I want the others to be about me. I dread the moments when the house is empty. If only they would talk to one another and not to me.

There are moments, most unexpectedly, when something inside me tries to assure me that I don’t really mind so much, not so very much, after all. Love is not the whole of a man’s life. I was happy before I ever met H. I’ve plenty of what are called ‘resources.’ People get over these things. Come, I shan’t do so badly. One is ashamed to listen to this voice but it seems for a little to be making out a good case. Then comes a sudden jab of red-hot memory and all this ‘commonsense’ vanishes like an ant in the mouth of a furnace.

From A Grief Observed

About apronheadlilly

wife and mother, musician, composer / poet, teacher, and observer of the world, flawed Christ-follower
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6 Responses to About Grief

  1. susanpoozan says:

    How well he expressed his personal feelings. Does it bring comfort to others? I don’t know.

  2. janice d. says:

    Thank you for posting this. As I have just received news that a dear friend of family has passed away, these words bring comfort and perspective…

    • I’m glad. I just got the pictures from one of my sisters from the graveside service a week ago. I could not fly home. The pics of the headstone made me cry again. Sigh. It is never easy to lose loved ones.

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