Known by many but known by few—image, identity, purpose twisted together, carnal and spiritual, an alienating stew,

feeling just as alone in a group as alone; and I thought

You would be enough, but . . .

The rants and rails of pundits are as unsettling as personal attacks. It is just like with lawyering where winning is more important than proving what is true. And

strangers take sides, and friends take sides, and what takes shape is a pulling and a tearing, and

I feel caught in the middle with no solution,

no resolution, and all of this when I thought

You would be enough.

And playing church stopped being an option, but I thought being more real would have less pain, but

the ragged edges of human spirits with or without acceptable doctrines is just as bleeding hard as playing the game and hiding the differences behind smiles and “God bless you’s,”

skirting round the edges of maybe relationships, and here, I thought

You would be enough . . .

But my need bumps up against inability to change how people feel, how people act,

how and whether people care—and the weight of emptiness haunts me in the night when I search the ceiling for release,

for answers, for a place to belong, and

I pray that with all of this,

You will please be enough.


Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you. ~I Peter 5:7

About apronheadlilly

wife and mother, musician, composer / poet, teacher, and observer of the world, flawed Christ-follower
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6 Responses to Enough

  1. bdd3 says:

    Dear sister and friend, our hearts long to be loved yet our very family is quick to be critical and are experts with knives. When we approach Jesus however He welcomes us into His arms to simply “be”, “be” being to rest and know real Love as can only come from our Heavenly Father. It takes great effort for us to go forth out of His arms to love as he first loved us. why is it so hard to fan the fire and flame that resides in our hearts in the person of the Holy Spirit? I recall a song from times past titled “Beautiful for Jesus” that addresses the solution. blessing on you in the matchless name of Jesus.

    • I heard a video of Carl Tuttle, Vineyard worship leader and then pastor. He went through his loss of ministry, family, and so much of what was meaningful to him to the point when he had to say he had nothing left, but Jesus was enough. That stuck in my mind because so often we want other things and people plus Jesus.

  2. Very thought provoking. I think we are constantly looking when we probably could be enjoying, but I think it is human nature. 🙂

    • That is why taking an ah-ha moment in nature is such a God-breath! People are capable of so much harm, but it is not the whole picture. I think we just hear and see so much more of the pain and dissension because of our technological access. It is unsettling. So . . . where are my birdies? 🙂

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